"Hello. This is Bennett and you've reached my voicemail because I'm not in at the present moment. So leave me your name and a brief message and I'll...get back to you as soon as I am able. Thank you."
The doves are gone. Josh is back to his normal self.
And he's been thinking. About his date with Bennett, and about how he said he wanted to do it again, and about how they held hands, and about how cute she is, and about how he really, probably shouldn't get romantically involved with a demon, given his position here, but —
And —
What he's really wondering is how much of those feelings were bird-induced and how much of it was him genuinely liking her, even just as a person and potential friend. Because what if the doves got her, too? What if neither of them were their True Selves that night, and all those days after?
[She absolutely waits until the last moment before picking up the phone and answering.
She has no idea why he'd want to spend more time with her. She had been such a fool every single time she'd opened her mouth and it still felt like she was betraying Topher in some way by going out on dates with another man but Topher wasn't here and Bennett hoped that he never would be. But besides that. Josh was an angel. It made this silly crush of hers feel more monumental than it should have been. Some sort of twisted Romeo and Juliet.]
Hello...?
[She tries to answer in a normal tone of voice but it still comes out kind of shy and squeaky.]
[Here's the thing: Without the doves to keep Josh walking through life in a rosy daze, he's now painfully aware of things like the awkwardness of others.
And boy, this sure is... something.
It's still kind of cute, though.]
I'm fine. Busy, y'know? With work. I was just... I'm wondering if you encountered any, um, birds before our...
[Addendum: the awkwardness of others as well as his own.]
Me too, I'm always, I'm always busy with work so...
[She has encountered too many birds. One of which forced her to get up on stage and be a part of an opera. Something that was horribly embarrassing but she couldn't exactly have made Lacie cancel the performance because of her.]
I might have seen a few of them. Around. The ah, obnoxious doves, yes?
I was wondering what your, uh, thoughts on... us are. [You can almost hear the facial expressions he's making: cringing, screwing his eyes shut, mouthing stupid. He pinches the bridge of his nose and soldiers on:] In terms of... exclusivity. Because.
[Because does not a full sentence make. That's what Toby would say, right now. And then he'd slap Josh in the head.]
— because we never put a label on this thing we have and I really like this thing we have but other things have recently gotten a little complicated and I know we're seeing each other but you used the term friends not too long ago so I'm just — I'm wondering what... your impression of this is. Of us. And where you want this to go.
That cute little smile fades to something else. Uncertainty? All the color has seemed to fade from her face.
She doesn't want to have this conversation. Not right now. He blind sided her with this. She doesn't know what to say. She keeps trying to but words just won't come out.]
I'm...not seeing anyone else. I'm not. If that's what you're asking.
[Because who would want to.
She's also very loyal. Fiercely so.]
I said friends, said friends because I...I-I didn't know what else to say.
I didn't want to, I didn't, I didn't want to presume. I didn't want to, I didn't think that you'd...
[She bites her lip. She looks away. Fingernails start getting chewed on. This is not her normal, slightly adorable nervousness. This is laced with something a bit darker. All her little cracks might just be starting to show.]
tfw you realize you accidentally made this 100x worse
[He sees it. Whatever it is, he sees it. It's not something he's seen before, not in Bennett, and it makes him even uneasier than he was a second ago.]
I can't —
[Josh thinks of Mandy and of how pissed off she was when they broke up, and how it didn't help at all when Josh tried to turn it into a whole thing about how it's not you, it's me, and how she threw a plate at his head.
In that case, it was actually both of them.
In this case, it's him. His expression turns horribly guilty.
What the fuck was he thinking, making this a video call and then almost immediately forgetting he did because he wished so super hard that he hadn't?
Shit.]
What I was asking was more like... what you want. Not just from this, but from relationships — uh, romantic relationships — in general. Like, long-term, short-term, going steady...
[She doesn't have to answer, though. He already knows.
He also knows she's going to answer, anyway, and it'll probably hurt.]
[She's never had to think about this before. She never thought she'd ever get this far with anyone. Never thought anyone would like her enough to stick around this long.
(Though she likes to think that Topher would have. He had seen her at her worst. He'd been the one to stop her at her worst. In a few short hours, he had just. Known her. And still wanted her.)
The look on Josh's face just makes her worry more. Why would he look like that. What did he do? She doesn't like that look on his face. Bennett just wants him to smile because she loves that stupid smile.]
I don't...I've never really been...I don't know. Because relationships are, relationships are...
I watch. I don't have them. Not meant for me, the price I--
[She doesn't want to talk about this. This is too much honesty that she's being forced into because she can't just lie to Josh.]
I don't really think that I'm...I'm not really suited for, I'm not suited for short-term things. I don't like to...let go.
[It's an okay of acknowledgement, an okay that says I can work with this. Because she's talking.
She hasn't hung up on him, she isn't yelling. She's talking. She's being honest, and her answer doesn't hurt so much.
— or doesn't hurt much, until he realizes the slight pang he just felt was pity. Then he just feels like an asshole. That's what hurts, the realization that she fell in with a guy like him, when she really didn't deserve it.]
I was talking to a friend about this. He was thinking of getting married, and... I mean, this isn't —
[There's a pause as Josh licks his lips and glances away, just for a second.]
I get that. I get not liking to let go. I'm the same way. But I also can't... wrap my head around the idea of eternity. [And then he adds, quickly:] Not that I think that's what you're looking for. I just wanna make sure I can give you what you're after and if it's — if it's long-term, historically, I've never really been able to...
[Just spit it out.]
Bennett, I can't commit to you right now. That's what this is. I like seeing you, and I like it when we go out, and I like... so much about you, there's so much about you that's... good. But I like someone else, too. [Someones else. Josh refuses to admit that much.] And I don't know what I want, 'cause I keep getting caught up in the idea of forever. I know how I feel, though. And if that's not enough for you, I'd also get that.
Because he's finally grown tired of her peculiarities?
There's someone else.
Because she wasn't attentive enough?
There's someone else.
Because she isn't good enough. She'll never be good enough. That's how the story goes. Always plays out. They're all out there. Living, laughing, loving. And Bennett?
She's alone.]
I-I, I-I don't know. I don't know what I want.
[Her voice is barely above a whisper and she can't quite look at the camera. She's angry. It doesn't show yet but it's bubbling up inside her chest.
Because how could she have been this stupid. This is how the story goes.
Did she think it'd be different because he's an angel?
Why hadn't see seen this coming sooner? She really should have.
Because she's stupid when her emotions get tangled in things.]
Wh-Why would-- Like a lie? No, no. Human, human evolutionary patterns would suggest that--
[She rubs her temple. She's trying to fall back on her science. If she can justify his actions with science, maybe she can let this be okay. Maybe she can hold on and she can keep having those brief moments of being happy with him but it's...she can't. Science is failing her.
There's someone else.
She wants to be with him, she wants to be with him so badly because now she's had a taste. Given enough to dream with. Imagined what could be, if she deserved it.
But she doesn't deserve it.
Because he's an angel. She's a demon. This is Hell. Really. This is Hell.]
I...I don't know what to, I don't know what to...what to say. What can I, can I say? I thought that...I don't know.
[Josh feels like she's missing about half of what he said.
He also feels a little sick.]
I'm not saying I don't want this. [A gesture between them, their screens, even though she's not looking.] I've done casual before. But if that's not something you can do, I need to know.
[Not that "casual" has ever worked for him. Not that any part of him thinks, at all, that it's something Bennett specifically could do even if she wanted to.
...and not that he means casual like casual. His mind's pretty firmly made up, at the moment. It's just a question of whether he'll be dividing his time between three or two, and —
When that thought crystallizes, Josh goes sheet-white.
[She is only hearing parts of this conversation. The words he's trying to use to lessen the blow are going in one ear and right out the other. There's really no way to avoid the utter hurt and heartbreak that's clearly etched into her features now.
Do you still think she's beautiful, Josh?
How much does it hurt you to see her like this?
Did you ever actually care at all?
You were lying. Must have been lying.
The look in her eyes has started shifting. It moves from such shock to something a little darker. She swallows the lump in her throat and the anger just keeps compiling. This look, this is something close to hatred. This is the awful, sinister look that many of her patients end up seeing.
Only this is just a step further than that. The look in her eyes has grown cold and yet volitile, dangerous like a wildfire. This is not the girl he's used to. Are you afraid yet, Josh?
[Josh is left gaping at his screen when the connection's cut, like: What was that?
— who was that?
It takes him a solid minute to finally put his phone down, so he can bring his shaky hands up and try to rub some color back into his face.
She's just mad. He can't blame her. She's mad, and she'll — ]
She'll get over it.
[Spoken aloud, to himself.
The silence of the room does nothing to reassure him. If anything, it just makes the skeptical tone in his voice ring back in his ears that much more clearly.]
You're not my first choice, but I'm running out of options.
[ What with, you know, the whole torture thing, although he did literally ask for that one. With that out of the way, he's going to get to the actual point. ]
You were splendid with the GPS device. I've got something new I need built. Let me know if you're interested.
No. Well, sort of. The last one's still working [ he lifts it and wiggles his fingers, though the motion's not quite smooth ] but I ain't gonna wait for it to blow. [ Implying he had at least one spare made before. ] If you can fix the other, be my guest.
[ He holds up an unconnected, mangled fake hand (there might be some sparks flying out of the torn cable near the fingers), covered in some kind of red goo and fleshy scraps. How did this happen? Who knows. ]
[How dare you insult her in such a fashion, sir. He gets a dirty look in return for implying she won't do something that isn't absolutely spectacular.]
![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text | un: j.lyman
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[She honestly didn't think he was going to follow up on this. Bennett is so unused to people wanting to spend time with her.]
Yes, we can do that. I should be free that evening. My schedule isn't typically booked so I don't foresee any issues.
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Great. Meet you at 7 outside the Hive?
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Yet.]Yes, that sounds like a good plan. I'll be waiting for you, then.
text | un: j.lyman; backdated to after their date, still lovey dovey
I had a really nice time with you. I think we should do that again.
If you want to, of course.
(I hope you want to.)
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I had a nice time, too. I think that I would. Like to. Do that again.
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Cool.
[GOOD TALK, JOSH.]
AND NOW VOICE, YOU KNOW WHO IT IS
The doves are gone. Josh is back to his normal self.
And he's been thinking. About his date with Bennett, and about how he said he wanted to do it again, and about how they held hands, and about how cute she is, and about how he really, probably shouldn't get romantically involved with a demon, given his position here, but —
And —
What he's really wondering is how much of those feelings were bird-induced and how much of it was him genuinely liking her, even just as a person and potential friend. Because what if the doves got her, too? What if neither of them were their True Selves that night, and all those days after?
There's only one way to find out.
Ring ring, Bennett.]
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She has no idea why he'd want to spend more time with her. She had been such a fool every single time she'd opened her mouth and it still felt like she was betraying Topher in some way by going out on dates with another man but Topher wasn't here and Bennett hoped that he never would be. But besides that. Josh was an angel. It made this silly crush of hers feel more monumental than it should have been. Some sort of twisted Romeo and Juliet.]
Hello...?
[She tries to answer in a normal tone of voice but it still comes out kind of shy and squeaky.]
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But then she does, and he pauses, hesitant.]
...hey.
[There we go.]
It's me. How, uh... how're you doing?
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I'm doing, I'm doing well, I think. Just been...working. I've been working a lot but I'm alright.
[Which means that she's also repeating herself. Stupid nervous tic.]
How--how are you, how are you doing? Too. As well. In addition to...
I hope that you are, you are also...well?
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And boy, this sure is... something.
It's still kind of cute, though.]
I'm fine. Busy, y'know? With work. I was just... I'm wondering if you encountered any, um, birds before our...
[Addendum: the awkwardness of others as well as his own.]
...a couple weeks ago.
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[She has encountered too many birds. One of which forced her to get up on stage and be a part of an opera. Something that was horribly embarrassing but she couldn't exactly have made Lacie cancel the performance because of her.]
I might have seen a few of them. Around. The ah, obnoxious doves, yes?
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[Although, to Josh, they're all obnoxious.
Because he lives with them.]
Did any of them... have an effect on you? That you noticed?
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...She doesn't want to admit to that, though. But perhaps it would be best if she did.
So he didn't end up thinking that giggly creature he'd met with was her normal.
No, that's not true. She likely would have giggled at the jokes he'd made regardless of the bird's influence.]
I was, I was bound to someone for a bit. And there was someone in my head. Like a psychic link of some sort.
[She'll just try to avoid it, maybe.]
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[He sounds like...
Like he doesn't know how to feel about that.
Should he tell her?]
I, uh. I just had... one. It made me a little giddy.
["a little"]
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[She defaults to thinking the worst. Her brain immediately jumps to the worst conclusion.]
I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be offended if you wanted to take back your offer. Of doing something together. Again.
Because of the birds.
[The way she says this isn't angry. She more sounds just...disappointed. She liked him.]
I don't want you to feel, to feel obligated.
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[He kind of trips over his own tongue for a second, there. What sounds is he trying to make? We just don't know.]
I had a nice time. I don't think it was just because of the birds, but... there's only one way to find out?
[Right?]
...we can call it an experiment.
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You'd still like to go out. Again. Maybe?
[She sounds more hopeful than she'd like at this idea.]
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[But she totally would, right? She sounds like she would.]
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Nice. I would like that. We should meet again. Time permitting, of course and--
[She should just. Stop talking. Like, completely.]
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[IT'S OKAY, BENNETT. It's okay. Breathe.
You're making Josh nervous, jeez.]
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SHE'LL GET BETTER ABOUT TALKING TO HIM. Eventually.
Maybe.]
I won't. We should be able to coordinate schedules.
Though I have been taking extra shifts, lately.
[And this surprises no one.]
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[Eventually.
...probably.]
video | un: j.lyman
And he's come up with absolutely nothing other than the straight truth.
— well.
The not-completely-straight truth.
Which is a thought that almost strikes him as funny, except he's too nervous to find anything funny at the moment. Even that.]
Hi.
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Something about it just. There's a feeling in the pit of her stomach that there's something off.
Still, she smiles. It's Josh. She can't not smile when it's Josh.]
Hey you.
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Um.
[This is already going really well.
Yeah, Danny. We have a secret inflation plan.]
I was wondering what your, uh, thoughts on... us are. [You can almost hear the facial expressions he's making: cringing, screwing his eyes shut, mouthing stupid. He pinches the bridge of his nose and soldiers on:] In terms of... exclusivity. Because.
[Because does not a full sentence make. That's what Toby would say, right now. And then he'd slap Josh in the head.]
— because we never put a label on this thing we have and I really like this thing we have but other things have recently gotten a little complicated and I know we're seeing each other but you used the term friends not too long ago so I'm just — I'm wondering what... your impression of this is. Of us. And where you want this to go.
[Did Josh... just try to out-Bennett Bennett?]
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That cute little smile fades to something else. Uncertainty? All the color has seemed to fade from her face.
She doesn't want to have this conversation. Not right now. He blind sided her with this. She doesn't know what to say. She keeps trying to but words just won't come out.]
I'm...not seeing anyone else. I'm not. If that's what you're asking.
[Because who would want to.
She's also very loyal. Fiercely so.]
I said friends, said friends because I...I-I didn't know what else to say.
I didn't want to, I didn't, I didn't want to presume. I didn't want to, I didn't think that you'd...
[She bites her lip. She looks away. Fingernails start getting chewed on. This is not her normal, slightly adorable nervousness. This is laced with something a bit darker. All her little cracks might just be starting to show.]
tfw you realize you accidentally made this 100x worse
I can't —
[Josh thinks of Mandy and of how pissed off she was when they broke up, and how it didn't help at all when Josh tried to turn it into a whole thing about how it's not you, it's me, and how she threw a plate at his head.
In that case, it was actually both of them.
In this case, it's him. His expression turns horribly guilty.
What the fuck was he thinking, making this a video call and then almost immediately forgetting he did because he wished so super hard that he hadn't?
Shit.]
What I was asking was more like... what you want. Not just from this, but from relationships — uh, romantic relationships — in general. Like, long-term, short-term, going steady...
[She doesn't have to answer, though. He already knows.
He also knows she's going to answer, anyway, and it'll probably hurt.]
SO SO MUCH WORSE
(Though she likes to think that Topher would have. He had seen her at her worst. He'd been the one to stop her at her worst. In a few short hours, he had just. Known her. And still wanted her.)
The look on Josh's face just makes her worry more. Why would he look like that. What did he do? She doesn't like that look on his face. Bennett just wants him to smile because she loves that stupid smile.]
I don't...I've never really been...I don't know. Because relationships are, relationships are...
I watch. I don't have them. Not meant for me, the price I--
[She doesn't want to talk about this. This is too much honesty that she's being forced into because she can't just lie to Josh.]
I don't really think that I'm...I'm not really suited for, I'm not suited for short-term things. I don't like to...let go.
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[It's an okay of acknowledgement, an okay that says I can work with this. Because she's talking.
She hasn't hung up on him, she isn't yelling. She's talking. She's being honest, and her answer doesn't hurt so much.
— or doesn't hurt much, until he realizes the slight pang he just felt was pity. Then he just feels like an asshole. That's what hurts, the realization that she fell in with a guy like him, when she really didn't deserve it.]
I was talking to a friend about this. He was thinking of getting married, and... I mean, this isn't —
[There's a pause as Josh licks his lips and glances away, just for a second.]
I get that. I get not liking to let go. I'm the same way. But I also can't... wrap my head around the idea of eternity. [And then he adds, quickly:] Not that I think that's what you're looking for. I just wanna make sure I can give you what you're after and if it's — if it's long-term, historically, I've never really been able to...
[Just spit it out.]
Bennett, I can't commit to you right now. That's what this is. I like seeing you, and I like it when we go out, and I like... so much about you, there's so much about you that's... good. But I like someone else, too. [Someones else. Josh refuses to admit that much.] And I don't know what I want, 'cause I keep getting caught up in the idea of forever. I know how I feel, though. And if that's not enough for you, I'd also get that.
no subject
Because she only has one arm, maybe?
There's someone else.
Because he's finally grown tired of her peculiarities?
There's someone else.
Because she wasn't attentive enough?
There's someone else.
Because she isn't good enough. She'll never be good enough. That's how the story goes. Always plays out. They're all out there. Living, laughing, loving. And Bennett?
She's alone.]
I-I, I-I don't know. I don't know what I want.
[Her voice is barely above a whisper and she can't quite look at the camera. She's angry. It doesn't show yet but it's bubbling up inside her chest.
Because how could she have been this stupid. This is how the story goes.
Did she think it'd be different because he's an angel?
Why hadn't see seen this coming sooner? She really should have.
Because she's stupid when her emotions get tangled in things.]
Wh-Why would-- Like a lie? No, no. Human, human evolutionary patterns would suggest that--
[She rubs her temple. She's trying to fall back on her science. If she can justify his actions with science, maybe she can let this be okay. Maybe she can hold on and she can keep having those brief moments of being happy with him but it's...she can't. Science is failing her.
There's someone else.
She wants to be with him, she wants to be with him so badly because now she's had a taste. Given enough to dream with. Imagined what could be, if she deserved it.
But she doesn't deserve it.
Because he's an angel. She's a demon. This is Hell. Really. This is Hell.]
I...I don't know what to, I don't know what to...what to say. What can I, can I say? I thought that...I don't know.
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He also feels a little sick.]
I'm not saying I don't want this. [A gesture between them, their screens, even though she's not looking.] I've done casual before. But if that's not something you can do, I need to know.
[Not that "casual" has ever worked for him. Not that any part of him thinks, at all, that it's something Bennett specifically could do even if she wanted to.
...and not that he means casual like casual. His mind's pretty firmly made up, at the moment. It's just a question of whether he'll be dividing his time between three or two, and —
When that thought crystallizes, Josh goes sheet-white.
Oh, boy.]
Bennett —
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Do you still think she's beautiful, Josh?
How much does it hurt you to see her like this?
Did you ever actually care at all?
You were lying. Must have been lying.
The look in her eyes has started shifting. It moves from such shock to something a little darker. She swallows the lump in her throat and the anger just keeps compiling. This look, this is something close to hatred. This is the awful, sinister look that many of her patients end up seeing.
Only this is just a step further than that. The look in her eyes has grown cold and yet volitile, dangerous like a wildfire. This is not the girl he's used to. Are you afraid yet, Josh?
Because you damn well should be.]
I can't.
[And then she cuts off the feed.]
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— who was that?
It takes him a solid minute to finally put his phone down, so he can bring his shaky hands up and try to rub some color back into his face.
She's just mad. He can't blame her. She's mad, and she'll — ]
She'll get over it.
[Spoken aloud, to himself.
The silence of the room does nothing to reassure him. If anything, it just makes the skeptical tone in his voice ring back in his ears that much more clearly.]
...yeah.
[Yeah, no.]
voice // whenever // un: swordemperor
You're not my first choice, but I'm running out of options.
[ What with, you know, the whole torture thing, although he did literally ask for that one. With that out of the way, he's going to get to the actual point. ]
You were splendid with the GPS device. I've got something new I need built. Let me know if you're interested.
permavoice;
[Is that sarcasm or is she being honest? It's hard to tell with her.]
What is it that you need? I need a few more details before I give a definitive answer.
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[ There's a moment of silence, almost as if he hesitates at first, but the answer's calm; ]
Mechanical hand that reacts to electric signals in the muscles. Can you do that?
[ His "friendships" with Winry and Tony and Kirk had been great, unfortunately all good things came to an end. ]
[ While he likely hasn't demonstrated it on purpose, considering she has tended to him in a hospital bed she's probably seen his prosthesis. ]
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But she's desperate enough for a distraction. He seems to come swooping in whenever she needs one like some sort of twisted, tech-needing hero.]
I could do that, yes. Shouldn't be too difficult. You had something similar already, correct? Is it safe to assume that it was irreparably damaged?
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No. Well, sort of. The last one's still working [ he lifts it and wiggles his fingers, though the motion's not quite smooth ] but I ain't gonna wait for it to blow. [ Implying he had at least one spare made before. ] If you can fix the other, be my guest.
[ He holds up an unconnected, mangled fake hand (there might be some sparks flying out of the torn cable near the fingers), covered in some kind of red goo and fleshy scraps. How did this happen? Who knows. ]
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I can fix it. Is there a deadline that you need it by?
[Can she actually, though? Who knows. She's too stubborn to ever admit defeat.]
I can fix the other one, too. If you'd like.
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The sooner the better.
[ So no, no headline. He gives her a dirty look for the suggestion. Like hell he's handing over the last of his prosthetics. He needs a hand, see? ]
If you do a decent job on the first one.
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[How dare you insult her in such a fashion, sir. He gets a dirty look in return for implying she won't do something that isn't absolutely spectacular.]
You won't be disappointed.
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Great. Let me know if you need anything. I'll pay in full when I see the result.